I’ve been on good dates and bad dates and the one lesson I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter what happens, if you enjoy the company of your date, you’re going to have a good time.  But I’ll walk you through one of my disasters:

My ex-boyfriend wanted to rekindle our relationship and so he invited me on a date.  He rented a speedboat one beautiful day in September and took me out in the Vancouver harbour for a ride.  He was aggressive and was jumping the wakes of ferries and just generally driving fast and recklessly making for an unpleasant ride for me.  Soon my clothes were soaked through from all the water that splashed into the boat.  As the sun began to set, we started to head back but then the engine started to sputter and suddenly stopped.  My date tried to restart it again and again but it was no use.  Of course, there was only one paddle and with the waves moving us out to sea, we were not able to make much headway.  So, there we sat in this boat in our wet clothes as the temperature began to drop with the sun.   Of course, it began to rain. 

My date, decided it would be a good idea to then start to drink a six pack of beer and to smoke some cannabis.  Soon he was feeling quite content and frisky.  Through my eyes, he was sloppy and drunk.  I was cold, shivering, annoyed, hungry, and had to pee desperately.   He kept trying to kiss me and grope me and I kept trying to push him away.  There was nowhere to go to get away from him so I had to endure him climbing all over me.  He was persistent.  I was more persistent. 

We’d been floating on that boat for over ten hours and it was getting very late.  My need to pee was growing more and more intense.  Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer and since it was pitch black out, I pulled my pants down and hung my white behind over the side of the side of the speedboat and released my bladder.  It was glorious.  That is until the Coast Guard’s spotlight suddenly shown directly on our boat and my behind for anyone to see.  It was so humiliating. 

The Coast Guard towed our boat to the rental place where the owner promptly proceeded to get the motor started and charged my date full price plus a penalty for being so late.  He was completely intoxicated by this point and so couldn’t drive home.  He passed out in the back of his car and I walked home. 

We never went out again.  Lesson learned:  Exes are exes for a reason.